6 February 2012, 12:10 am
Editing standards are dropping these days (in the last book I finished, there were 6 typos, and it's on the high-school English curriculum) and books are getting sloppier. Complaining about it does no good, so we might as well have fun. The worst simile I've ever found in a published book that wasn't intended to be funny was this: 'Usually, cleaning up was the worst part of exorcisms, but not this time. This time, the worst part had been the feeling of her soul being ripped from her flesh like a particularly sticky Band-Aid.' What I love about this is how something as deeply traumatic and horrifyingly unnatural as your soul being ripped out is trivialised by the comical and almost childish comparison to Band-Aid removal. Other gems include this: 'Now the crowds unnerved her. All those people - and most of them had two eyes.' Not two-eyed people! Argh, the horror! And this: "Would thou like some refreshments? Tea, perhaps? A cookie?" - A villain said this. An evil black-magic dealer with demons literally slithering behind his eyeballs used the word 'cookie'. Strangely, though, not the word 'wouldst', despite liberal and inexplicable application of 'thous' and 'thees'. It was from a trashy urban fantasy I read on holiday called 'Unholy Ghosts', by Stacia Kane. The character's names (eg Brain, Terrible) were distracting, the world-building was slapdash, the plot rambled, the dialogue was execrable and the constant drivel about the MC's drug addiction was maddening, but by far the worst aspect was the writing itself. Apparently though, I can't share this joke with anyone because I find nothing but praise for the book wherever I look. So, to cut to the chase: what is the worst simile you've ever encountered in a published book?... Read More »
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